DUSTIN HOFFMAN
5/29/04. 6:14pm CDT. Home.

You never know what will make you lose all respect for an authority figure.

I'm in sixth grade, and my English class assignment is to review a movie we've seen recently. My whole family has just seen the new Dustin Hoffman vehicle "Tootsie." Our last name is not very common, at least not outside Germany, and we have a good laugh when a character by that name is mentioned in one scene.

In the review we have to explain the movie's premise. I explain that Dustin Hoffman plays an actor who's fallen on hard times and has to pretend to be a woman to get work.

My teacher takes off points for that, saying I didn't have to explain that Dustin Hoffman was an actor. She tells me of COURSE he's an actor, he's in a movie, and you don't have to tell people that in your review.

I briefly try to explain that his character is an actor, but she still doesn't get it.

OK, fine, just give me the B and let me get on with my life.